Should You Invite Children to Your Wedding?

Picture by Shew Ridge Photography

We get asked this question more often than you may think  - "Is my wedding really a place for children?" While we can't give you a definitive answer, we can help you think about the pros and cons of having children attend your event, as well as ideas on how to keep them occupied while you say "I do". We'll even help you with wording your invitations when you don't want any kids around - you're welcome!

Ok, it's getting close to making the decision and you're wanting to weigh out your options. Let's start here:

Pros:
*Kids = more guests to be there to celebrate your special moments!
*Parents won't feel obligated to choose between spending time with their children, or being at your event.
*You can't imagine not having your nieces, nephews and extended family there.
*The more, the merrier! You want noise and laughter - a real family vibe!

Cons:
*Kids = more guests that you have to pay for when it comes to seating and food and you just don't think your budget can be stretched any more that it has been already.
*Babies cry, toddlers have meltdowns and older children need space to run around (especially after sitting well-behaved through a 30 minute ceremony and a 45 minute meal).
*Some venues may require a childcare "sitter" onsite at all times to monitor the children. Again, your budget may not have room for this. 

Let's dive on in to what you need to think about as a host where children have been invited:

*If babies are coming, is there a changing table or area?
*Is there a room for private nursing or a rocking chair when it comes to nap time?
*Is there a fridge or microwave for bottles and snacks?
*Can strollers be brought in? Are highchairs provided or do you need to tell people to bring their own?
*Are there areas where children are not allowed because of safety issues? (think electric fences, parking lots, a pond, farm animals and equipment, etc)
*Is there suitable food on the menu? (while salmon and steak may be the main entrees, think about chicken fingers and fruit for the littles)
*Are any plastic plates or cups available for children to use?
*Are the songs appropriate? (you may want to add in a fun song early into the night like the Chicken Dance or the Hokey Pokey to let the kids feel included too- what great pictures these would be! Just give your DJ a head's up!)
*Are there videogames and a tv for the kids? Or are these items off limits for guests under a certain age?
*Would it be better if you provided childcare? (look into babysitting services from reputable companies or using a friend that you know and trust)
*A jumphouse? Sounds great! Ask your venue if it's even allowed and if so, is more insurance required? 

Think about providing items to help parents occupy their children - i.e. coloring books with crayons, puzzles, outdoor hula hoops, cornhole, checkers, etc. As a venue owner, I will add in that sharpies and stickers are NOT a great idea, unless you like having a mustache added onto your bridal portrait....or want to scrape stickers off of your glassware centerpieces....ask me how I know....

I'm pretty sure that every venue has some sort of line or two in their contracts regarding children on the property. My advice? Find it. Read it. Then, read it again. Also, be prepared for those parents who are having so much fun celebrating you, that they're not watching their children. It happens. There might even be a clause in the contract stating things about unattended children and the loss of damage deposits, especially if something gets broken. 

Now, you've spent hours racking your brain and have finally decided that you don't want to take a chance on baby Timmy crying during your ceremony, little Megan having a meltdown during the father/daughter dance or 10 yr old Billy seeing if he can flush a fork down the toilet (again, ask me how I know). How do you get your wishes across without sounding mean and insensitive? 

Here are some creative words to use on your invitations when children are not allowed to attend:

*Due to limited venue space, we kindly ask that this remains a child-free event.
*Because of our open bar, we are asking that no children attend our wedding and reception.
*While we love your children, please respect our wishes for an adult only affair.
*Children are more than welcome to attend the ceremony, but we ask that guests 18+ stay for the reception.
*We want you to enjoy the evening, so please keep this event child-free.
*We kindly ask that you help us keep our wedding kid free.
*To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we kindly request no children.
*Leave the kids at home and join us for a night of food, fun and dancing!

You can even make note on the RSVP cards, like this:

_____ adults will attend.
_____ regrettably, we are unable to attend. 

You may, or may not, get some push back from friends and family - you are NOT the bad guy. Stand firm on whatever decision you've made. At the end of the day, it's YOUR beautiful wedding and that's exactly what it's going to be - YOUR beautiful wedding. Hope this helps! Happy Wedding Planning!

If you want to learn more about my venue, The Barn at Heritage Farm, located in the beautiful foothills of the Yadkin Valley Wine Region in Surry County, North Carolina, you can find our availability, wedding package information and ways to contact us on our website www.thebarnatheritagefarm. We host events year-round and have indoor/outdoor ceremonies. 

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